Review of Grandpappy

PC3 was my very first glimpse into the Splatterpunk world a few years ago with Inferno Bound and the Hell Hounds. I remember saying aloud “Holy crap! We’re allowed to write stuff like this?”

Since then, I’ve read quite a few offerings from many different authors such as Dead Inside by Chandler Morrison, Full Brutal by Kristopher Triana, and Talia by Daniel Volpe. Neither of these are recommended dinner table reading. Trust me, I’ve tried and damn near failed.I’ve also tried my hand at writing some Splatterpunk with my short story “Hell Paso” from the pages of the 2020 Splatterpunk anthology of the year “And Hell Followed” as well as the Splatter Western “Starving Zoe”. I’m not quite sure where I fit in this genre, or even if I’m qualified to be considered a Splatterpunk author, but I know one thing for certain. PC3 is a rock star.

I popped this little jewel open on a flight to and from Chicago because reading grotesque things with revealing covers is why we all read on planes in the first place, right? During my airborne four hours, I could hear the groans of the simpletons as they gazed upon the deformed toenails on the cover and read the bolded warnings of the back synopsis. That, my fellow passengers, is what you get for being a nosy patron of the friendly skies. Keep your eyes to yourself and this sort of thing won’t happen!

The best part was when a pre-teen child with exceptional eyes was following me page by page and whispering the words as he read them. With any luck, this kid is scarred for life and having the world’s most uncomfortable dinner conversation with parents who haven’t the slightest of ideas on how to answer the inquiries pouring from his mouth between bites of meatloaf and steamed broccoli. Guaranteed, being a child of North Texas, his parents will drag him kicking and screaming into the closest church for a well-deserved exorcism.

The premise of this book is as follows: Charlie is a regular guy. Plain and simple. His parents want to get away on a quick vacation, but Grandpappy is on his last leg. Charlie, not knowing what he’s getting himself into, accepts the request to watch over the dying man. A hospice nurse and nurse’s aide come twice a day so it shouldn’t be any problem. This is where the fun begins.

As mentioned before, I have read many offerings into the Splatterpunk world and each time they get a little more “out there”. Trust me when I say it will take a damn talented author and a lot of hallucinogens to match what PC3 has done in Grandpappy. If this book doesn’t win Splatterpunk novella of the year at Killercon 2023, I’ll scream “fake news” and storm the Texas state capitol in a pair of Superman panties while covered in chocolate syrup.

There are some who have trashed this book with bad reviews which begs the question “why are you reading extreme horror if you’re not an extreme horror fan?”

For the social media cred? For the chicks? For the social media cred chicks? None of those things are real!

PC3 is an up-and-coming master of this art who won’t soon be forgotten. Not only did Grandpappy surpass all the above-mentioned books, but it even replaced what I considered to be the greatest work of Splatterpunk fiction ever to pour from the fingers of the great Ed Lee. Yes, this made “Header” read like “That Little Engine That Could”. I’m not belittling “Header” in any way. It’s a classical masterpiece. I’m just making a comparison so you’ll understand what you’re getting yourself into.

It’s not just the horror and gore that make it so unforgettable. The humor is on point, if you’re someone who finds such things to be humorous, and the jokes and references come often. It’s a novella so it’s a quick read. Two uncomfortable plane rides later and I was at the end with a mystery QR code staring me in the face. I won’t spoil it, nor should you skip to this point without reading the book.

To boot, this isn’t some gore story without substance. There is a tale here as well as a lesson. This is the unwelcomed picture of the modern American family. We all have metaphorical skeletons in our shed and teeth in a random kitchen drawer, but some of us take these metaphors to literal extremes. Chances are that you know a family like this, and you’ve always wanted to be a fly on their wall to see what’s truly going on behind closed doors. Be careful what you wish for.

To finalize this review, there will never be a Grandpappy movie. Hollywood wouldn’t dare tell this story and, if they did, it wouldn’t be worth watching. They’d cut out all the good parts and probably put a worthless mumble rap song in the end credits making you want to regurgitate the film you just watched. If they ever get the nerve to try, all I ask is that they somehow con Donald Trump into playing Grandpappy. Did you like how I used the words con and Trump in the same sentence?

Bonus: Imagine the characters and voices of Eustace and Muriel from Courage the Cowardly Dog as you read this. You’ll thank me when it’s over.