1988? Is it really that damn old? I didn’t see it in theaters, but I must have been eleven or twelve when I first saw it on TV. No way in hell was I going to ask my folks to rent it for me from the video store; even though it was PG-13, they would have raised an eyebrow when I handed them that video tape. I mean, there was–and still is–only one good reason to watch Elvira: Mistress of the Dark–Elvira’s voluptuous top half.
Okay, maybe that’s not the only reason. The movie is quite funny in a somehow innocent, yet overtly sexual kind of way. I doubt when I was twelve I noticed Elvira was making the word “fuck” by holding up an extra letter at the movie theater or that Edie McClung’s character was named Chastity Pariah or that the hotdog wiener falling between Elvira’s breasts was a clear suggestion of something else. I could go on and on. But even for a twelve-year-old, it was a silly movie. I didn’t watch it for the silliness, nor did any other boy.
The reason I watched it then, and the main reason I enjoy it now, is Elvira herself, Cassandra Peterson. There is perhaps no more iconic woman of horror than Elvira. One can suggest Vampira or Morticia Addams or Lily Munster. Personally, Trash from Return of the Living Dead will forever be the #1 Babe of my horror viewing history. But Elvira…she is the most iconic. Her bubbly, ditzy personality combined with her…well, you know, makes her so enjoyable to watch. Aren’t we all waiting for her breasts to burst out of that dress at any moment, even though the film’s rating tells us that’s extremely unlikely?
And Elvira: Mistress of the Dark makes no bones about what the draw is. Elvira’s bouncing boobs are front and center from the beginning, and the attention they receive never lets up.
The plot is really kind of secondary, but here it is, from IMDB: Upon arriving in a small town where she has inherited a rundown mansion, a famous horror hostess battles an evil uncle, and townspeople who want her burned at the stake.
If you want to watch Elvira’s milk-makers for an hour and half, check it out on Tubi!