PC3’s Horror and Exploitation Movie Scale of Awesomeness!
It’s time I came up with a rating system for all these horror and exploitation flicks I watch. To me, the traditional five-star and ten-point scales don’t tell enough to the casual reader of reviews. All it tells them is whether the reviewer liked the movie or not. And really, that doesn’t matter. What matters is why they liked or disliked the movie, and what they liked and disliked about it.
So, I’ve devised a 100-point rating system using ten categories that I find important in horror and exploitation cinema. You’ll see an overall score, but you’ll also see where a movie shined and where it didn’t. The overall score isn’t even that important. For example, The Toxic Avenger, a movie a really like, would score poorly in most categories listed. But it would score big in Gore, Nudity, and Fun Factor. Another reason you shouldn’t judge a film by its overall score, Return of the Living Dead—my all-time favorite horror film—only scored a 76. I can’t imagine many movies scoring higher than that one.
Here are the categories:
Gore
(0-10) Most film critics will say you don’t need a bunch of blood and gore to make a good horror movie. This is true in some cases. But in my book, you get extra points for excellent, explicit gore, the kind of gore that turns a good horror movie into a classic of the genre. Think movies like The Evil Dead, High Tension, and Hellraiser.
Special Effects
(0-10) Special Effects can make or break a horror movie. And, in my humble opinion (which is the only opinion that matters for this scale), CGI effects typically do more harm than good. Why so many filmmakers have gone to CGI when there are folks like Tom Savini out there who can bring special effects perfection to the screen without computers, is beyond me. There are, obviously, some exceptions, like Pan’s Labyrinth, which used CGI expertly. Some films with great practical effects include Alien, Scanners, and A Nightmare on Elm Street.
Nudity/Sexuality
(0-10) This isn’t just a horror movie scale; it’s an exploitation scale too! And where would exploitation be without bare breasts and short shorts? But, if you think about it, the vulnerability of nudity lends itself well to the horror genre too. Afterall, if two teens are screwing in the woods near Crystal Lake, you’re pretty certain they’re in deep trouble. Movies with high Nudity/Sexuality marks would be Return of the Living Dead, The Big Bird Cage, and Shivers.
Wow Factor
(0-10) Sometimes there is that single moment or two in a movie that makes your jaw drop, turning a flick you weren’t too sure about into one you absolutely loved. Remember the scene in Jeepers Creepers where you see the body being thrown down a pipe? Or that moment in Saw where the protagonist decides to actually use that hacksaw. Or the scene in the original Friday the Thirteenth where the arrow is pushed through Kevin Bacon. What a great scene!
Acting
(0-10) Horror and exploitation movies rarely get recognized for great acting. But it’s out there, and I’m going to call it out when I see it! Obvious examples here are films like Black Swan, American Psycho, and The Shining. I would also include Rob Zombie’s Halloween, The Witch, and Hereditary.
Fear Factor
(0-10) While I’m not in the camp that thinks a horror film must be scary to be good, I definitely appreciate those movies that widen your eyes, making you grit your teeth and grab hold of your date’s hand. I’m not talking about jump scares here; those are easy and overdone. I’m talking about movies that are genuinely terrifying. Like The Autopsy of Jane Doe, Vacancy, The Ring, and The Blair Witch Project.
Story/Plot/Originality
(0-10) If a new film about Jason, Freddy, Michael Myers, or Dracula comes out, it’s not going to fair very well in this category. Here, I’m looking at stories that keep you on the edge of your seat and plots that are as original as possible in this age when there are a billion movies out there. Movies that score good here include the original Saw, The Platform, and Scream. Yes, I know that Scream drew on influences from all over the genre. But that self-awareness itself was original, damn it!
Cinematography/Atmosphere
(0-10) Nothing quite sets the tone of a horror movie like the dark and foreboding worlds they take place in. How frightening would The Lighthouse have been were it not for the grainy, black and white way it was shot? Not very. Suspiria, Eraserhead, Nosferatu, and A Cure for Wellness; these are movies that are visually stunning. Great camera shots will be rewarded with points here too, like that scene in The Texas Chain Saw Massacre where the girl gets up from the swing and the camera follows her along from beneath it.
Sound/Music
(0-10) Much like cinematography, the sound of a horror movie can set the mood of what’s to come, even if the visual stimulation isn’t threatening. Think of the opening scene from The Shining where the Torrance family is taking a leisurely drive through the mountains. It’s the music in this scene that’s foreboding. Nothing more. Then there are the films like Jaws and Halloween, where their respective tunes have become classic soundtracks of menace. And those low budget films that don’t pay enough attention to sound quality, they’re going to suffer here.
Fun Factor
(0-10) Let’s face it, some movies are just fun. Maybe they’ve collected very few points on the scale up to this point but—damn it!—it’s a fun movie! This is where all those Troma movies shine. And films like Killer Clowns from Outer Space, Shaun of the Dead, Tremors, and The Frighteners. But not those stupid Scary Movie flicks. Never those.
