Think Final Destination with a camera.
If there was a predictability scale for movies, Polaroid would be rated off the charts. An old camera is found that–of course–kills the people in the pictures. The camera–of course–ends up in the hands of a loner teenager with a troubled past (Kathryn Prescott) and then the camera–of course–makes its way to a high school party (of course, someone’s parents are out of town to allow such a party) where–of course–snapshots are taken of hapless teenagers. Then–of course–they start dying. But–of course–there is a mystery that needs unraveling by the teenagers, and–of course–the cops have no interest in providing help. The unlikable characters–of course–die and the mystery of the camera is solved before–of course–the characters you like can meet an ill-fated end. And the biggest OF COURSE goes to the ending, which–of course–leaves things open for a sequel. Oh, and there is–of course–only one use of the word ‘fuck’, so the movie can maintain its PG-13 rating.
Really, the only redeeming quality is the performance by Prescott as Bird (of course her name is Bird). She has some serious acting chops and is better suited for better films.
But when I say she is the only redeeming quality, I mean it.
Darkness is–again, of course–everywhere in the film. If you think the DC movies are ridiculously dark, then…well, Polaroid makes the Batman movies look like August in Arizona. Light-bulbs literally have no effect in Polaroid. The police station is dark, the school is dark, and even the diner is seemingly without a functional source of light.
Perhaps worst of all–though it’s hard to chose with so many options–is the special effects. The CGI “monster” and instances of fire are very obviously computer generated. And then there is the guy who gets split in half. Yes, a guy gets split in half. Sounds like a great opportunity to insert some excellent gore, right? Yeah, one would think so. But to my amazement, the scene is completely bloodless. Literally no blood or gore is depicted when a guy is torn in two. I mean, if you’re going to make a predictable, generic horror film, at least give us some gore.
Lars Klevburg directed Polaroid. Not being familiar with him, I looked him up on IMDB and discovered he is also responsible for the new Child’s Play. I haven’t seen that one yet, though I will at some point. Can’t say that I’m excited about it.
If you desire a generic teen horror film that’s as predictable as winter weather in Alaska, then you can find it on Netflix or Amazon.